friendship maintenance,
one roast at a time.
Field notes on group chats, flaky friends, gym-skippers, and the art of the affectionate callout. Long-form for people who like the format too much to keep it to themselves.
the friend who fired "NOT jonah dying lmao" into the chat at 9:02pm
You were four episodes behind, offline, monastic. Then Priya opened the group chat like it was open mic night. A eulogy for your innocence.
the friend who complains her way through good news
meet marisol, who got a free penthouse upgrade and needs you to know the view is TOO good. a field guide to the humblebrag and the group chat that's watching.
the friend who took one tasting class and now sends back a $9 pinot
Marcus swirls a bottle that cost less than the cheese fries, announces "notes of wet slate and ambition," and sends it back at Applebee's. one class. ONE.
the friend who is always "going through it" (it is a name spelled wrong)
meet bennett, who has survived four crises before noon, and every single one is a barista, a haircut, or a planet. we need to talk about the melodrama.
"leaving now!!" — a text you sent from inside the shower
an open case file on Devin, who texts "leaving now" while still lathering, sends "5 mins away" from a parked car, and blames traffic that has never once existed.