the wall of bitches.

“Brought a full DSLR and a ring light to a dive bar hangout, made everyone reposition for "the light," posted zero photos, deleted the group chat memory forever.”

“Reply-all'd the entire office asking who ate her labeled yogurt. it was hers. she ate it. she forgot. the email is still up.”

“Films every set from three angles, reracks nothing, calls the bench "his office," and did four (4) reps in two hours. the office is closed, devon.”

“Made the road-trip Spotify playlist a 'group effort,' then quietly deleted every song that wasn't hers by hour two. we noticed at the Nickelback.”

“Wouldn't share her fries because she's "doing a reset," then ate half of mine. the reset, apparently, begins at my plate.”

“Claimed severe gluten intolerance to skip the pizza order, then ate three slices of MY crust off the discard plate at 11pm "just testing something."”

“Said "just checking one thing" twenty minutes into the movie, phone brightness at what can only be described as INTERROGATION LEVEL, lit up the whole row.”

“Said 'I'm not competitive at all lol' then argued a Catan sheep-for-wood trade for 45 straight minutes.”

“Lit a $40 candle in the shared apartment 'for ambiance,' left for the weekend, came back to find the whole unit smelling like a Yankee Candle hostage situation.”

“Asked to just split the middle on the thermostat debate, then set it to a number that satisfies no one, and called it the compromise everyone hates equally.”

“Said 'I'll drive!!' then split gas AND parking three ways and kept the miles on her own rewards app.”

“Ghosted the trip-planning doc for six weeks, never once Venmo'd the deposit, and then got on the call with NOTES about an Airbnb he never opened.”