the wall of bitches.

“Reviewed my restaurant pick before we'd even sat down, out loud, to the table: three stars, ambiance carries it.”

“Held the elevator door "one sec" for a coworker who was, per the security footage, still getting coffee on a different floor. we waited. we know.”

“Held up the self-checkout for six minutes counting exact change out loud, coin by coin, while the line grew behind her like a geological formation.”

“Brought a 'salad' to thanksgiving that was croutons and one leaf of spring mix, called it her contribution, took a full plate home.”

“Wouldn't share her fries because she's "doing a reset," then ate half of mine. the reset, apparently, begins at my plate.”

“started a family group chat poll on the stuffing recipe, closed the poll early when he was losing, and served his mother's recipe anyway. DEMOCRACY, allegedly.”

“Said "mhm" to a Reel while i told him i got the job, then looked up and asked "wait what were we talking about." i was talking about my LIFE, tariq.”

“Announces she's vegetarian at every single dinner. the steak arrived at the table. junie's fork was already in it.”

“CC'd the entire team on a reply just to say noted, four separate times in one afternoon.”

“Brought her laptop to brunch "just in case," opened it during appetizers, sent one slack message, closed it, never opened it again. The vibe: dead.”

“Still owes $14 from pizza night in April. sends a skull emoji every time it is brought up. venmo has a request button, wren, use it.”

“Held the aux for a 6-hour road trip and played the same six songs on loop. we know every lyric now. against our will.”