the wall of bitches.

“Held the elevator door "one sec" for a coworker who was, per the security footage, still getting coffee on a different floor. we waited. we know.”

“Brought her laptop to brunch "just in case," opened it during appetizers, sent one slack message, closed it, never opened it again. The vibe: dead.”

“Supervised the entire IKEA build from the couch, said 'looks off' at the very end, refused to specify what, left before the final screw.”

“Called shotgun on a FaceTime, from home, twenty minutes before the car even arrived to pick anyone up.”

“Texted 'u up?' at 2:14am. it was not an emergency. it was a semicolon he could have googled.”

“texts the group chat her wordle score at 6:03am daily, unprompted. got a 2/6 ONCE in October and has mentioned it 41 separate times since.”

“Took four extra tote bags from the company swag table "for family," has no children, no siblings, one specific goldfish, gave it a tote bag.”

“Refolds the shared towels 'the correct way' immediately after you fold them, in total silence, maintaining eye contact the entire time.”

“Skipped leg day. Again. Don't think we don't notice.”

“Lil bitch won’t talk to da gay cheerleaders at UNC.”

“You’ve been late the last 4 times we’ve planned to hang out”

“Let's face it. You just can't handle the volatility”