the wall of bitches.

“has not finished a single book club book in fourteen months but shows up with a nice cabernet and 'thoughts' about the COVER ART.”

“Took ONE tasting class and now sends back the house pour going "it's a little closed right now." simone. it is a nine dollar pinot. it is wide open.”

“waved our whole foursome through on hole 6, then took three practice swings and a stretch before actually hitting. sir it is a PAR 3.”

“Ghosted the trip-planning doc for six weeks, never once Venmo'd the deposit, and then got on the call with NOTES about an Airbnb he never opened.”

“Supervised the entire IKEA build from the couch, said 'looks off' at the very end, refused to specify what, left before the final screw.”

“Took four extra tote bags from the company swag table "for family," has no children, no siblings, one specific goldfish, gave it a tote bag.”

“Complained for forty minutes that her surprise promotion is "honestly so stressful" because "the corner office gets too much sun." we are so sorry, elise.”

“Narrated the whole movie — "wait, is that the guy from before?" — then shushed ME. i was breathing. quietly. he was doing live commentary.”

“Took the last spot in the lot, then stood in the next one for 20 minutes 'saving' it for a friend who was still doing errands.”

“Scheduled a 'quick 10 min call,' brought no agenda, ran it 92 minutes, ended with 'okay let's circle back next week.'”

“raised and lowered his standing desk FOUR times during the one silent meeting of the quarter, motor whirring, for his back.”

“Called shotgun on a FaceTime, from home, twenty minutes before the car even arrived to pick anyone up.”