the wall of bitches.

“Started a fantasy trade rumor about his own team to make it look desirable, got caught, blamed a league mole.”

“Set the office AC to 78 "because he runs cold," then put on a FLEECE VEST to prove a point. it is July. we are all sweating for one man's comfort.”

“Brought her dog to the no-dogs picnic in a stroller, called it a service stroller, the dog barked at the cake for twenty straight minutes.”

“sang total eclipse of the heart TWICE at karaoke, full eye contact both times, and physically turned her body away when i reached for the mic.”

“Weighed in for the fantasy league fine using a scale he brought from home that reads four pounds light, refuses to use the league's official scale, citing "trust issues."”

“RSVP'd yes to the picnic, the game night, AND the birthday. no-showed all three with zero notice, same excuse every time: 'lost track of time.'”

“Let his dog dig up the neighbor's entire tulip bed, called it 'instinct,' offered zero tulips in restitution, dog looked thrilled.”

“Said "just checking one thing" twenty minutes into the movie, phone brightness at what can only be described as INTERROGATION LEVEL, lit up the whole row.”

“Asked to split an Uber evenly, rode nine minutes past my stop to her place, and Venmo-requested me for the FULL fare rounded up.”

“brought one (1) bottle to the byob, drank four glasses from everyone else's, and called the whole table's wine communal. it was not communal, suri.”

“Started a 'no gifts, just your presence' group birthday policy, then visibly scanned the gift table at the door counting who complied.”

“Brought the aux for the group hike, played eleven minutes of a true crime podcast at full volume near actual wildlife, called it "setting the mood."”