the wall of bitches.

“reclined his seat fully into my tray table for a five hour flight, felt me flinch, and responded with a single thumbs up. no words. just the thumb.”

“Hosted trivia night, wrote the questions, and somehow "forgot" the answer to his own tiebreaker so his team could win by default.”

“Claimed the shared Netflix profile temporarily in March, has since renamed it CORBIN in all caps, and reported MY profile for suspicious activity.”

“Fired "NOT them dying 💀💀" into the group chat nine minutes after the finale dropped. i was on episode two. i had a WALL up. she chose violence.”

“Brought empty tupperware to the potluck 'just in case,' then filled it with OTHER people's dishes before dessert was even served.”

“Borrowed Codenames for 'one game night,' four months ago, now hosts HIS OWN game nights with it and refers to it as 'my Codenames.'”

“Ordered for the entire table without asking, got three allergies wrong, then said "more for me" when the mistake plates came back untouched.”

“brought one (1) bottle to the byob, drank four glasses from everyone else's, and called the whole table's wine communal. it was not communal, suri.”

“sang total eclipse of the heart TWICE at karaoke, full eye contact both times, and physically turned her body away when i reached for the mic.”

“Subscribed the entire friend group to his newsletter without asking. there is no unsubscribe link. we have checked. twice.”

“Signed up for the 10k "for the medal," Ubered the last 4 miles, posted the finisher photo with a completely dry shirt and a suspiciously fresh blowout.”

“Corrects everyone's grammar in the group chat with the little red squiggle emoji, including a typo in a text that said her dad was in the hospital.”