the official little bitch report form (form LB-1)
You searched "little bitch report form" and the bad news is that no government agency currently maintains one. The good news is that we do, the filing fee is zero dollars, and the department is always open.
This page is the official intake documentation for Form LB-1: Report of a Little Bitch. Please read the filing requirements before proceeding to the form itself.
who may file
Any person who has witnessed, with their own eyes, a friend committing an offense of trivial magnitude with maximum drama. Qualifying examples from this month's docket:
- Cancelled 7pm plans at 6:58pm citing a "mysterious low battery," then posted an instagram story at 7:04 (this is the single most-filed offense in department history)
- Set the shared AC to 78°F "because he runs cold." It is June.
- Venmo-requested $6.50 for "my share" of a birthday cake that was FOR HER
- Replied "haha" to a four-paragraph text about a genuine emotional situation
- Skipped leg day for the fourth consecutive week while maintaining a gym membership as a personality trait
Note: the department only processes behavioral complaints. Reports about who a person IS are dismissed with prejudice. We prosecute the 6:58pm cancel, never the human. That distinction is the entire legal foundation of this institution.
required fields
Form LB-1 contains three (3) mandatory sections:
Section 1 — Legal name of the accused. First name is sufficient. The card will render it in letters large enough to be read from space, so spelling matters.
Section 2 — Statement of offense. You have 140 characters. Specificity wins cases. "He flaked" gets thrown out; "bailed at 6:58pm citing mysterious low battery, story posted at 7:04, we have screenshots" is a conviction.
Section 3 — Severity assessment. The bitchiness scale runs 1 ("mildly annoying") through 10 ("mythic. legendary."). Filing clerks recommend honesty: over-charging a level-3 thermostat crime as a 10 undermines the court's credibility, and the confetti density scales accordingly.
Optional: your signature (anonymous filings are accepted and common), a scheduled service date up to 30 days out, and a GIF background for ambiance.
co-signers and class-action filings
If the offense was committed against an entire group chat, the department supports class-action reports: after filing, you receive a co-signer link. Up to twelve (12) witnesses may attach their own sworn one-liner to the same report. A card that arrives co-signed by the whole chat carries the full weight of group-chat democracy.
the appeals process
This department believes in due process. Every served report includes a defend yourself button, where the accused may submit their excuse to an AI judge. The judge rates the excuse's cope level out of 10 and issues a written verdict. Historical acquittal rate: zero. The judge has seen the screenshots too.
Public filings also appear on the Wall of Bitches, where the community may co-sign (🔥) or cap (🧊) the report and leave commentary in the peanut gallery.
processing time
Thirty seconds from filing to service. You receive a link; you serve it however you like — text, group chat, QR code at brunch, or as a GIF posted directly to the timeline. The report remains on file permanently, or until the accused exercises their one-click takedown right. Even convicted little bitches have rights.
The department is now ready to receive your filing.